Helping Your Child with a Bully
Bullying among children has always been common. While it was once largely tolerated as a part of childhood, experts now consider it to be a serious problem and it has caused an anti-bullying movement to take place. The challenge is determining how much to involve yourself. Too little or too much involvement can have negative repercussions.
Ideally, you’ll involve yourself just enough to get your child through it while enabling them how to respond and grow from it. Overreacting can create even more challenges at school and waste an opportunity to teach your child to be more self-reliant with healthy relationships.
Bullying can take several forms:
Physical. Physical bullying includes behaviors such as hitting, kicking, pushing, and tripping.
Psychological. This type of bullying centers around embarrassing the child socially or even through manipulations.
Verbal. Verbal bullying involves teasing and taunting.
The effects of bullying can be serious and result in violent behavior, poor grades, drug abuse, mental health issues and even relationship issues.
There are many signs to suggest a child might be bullied. These include a change in behavior, ripped clothes or bruises, a change in school performance, and a change in the willingness to go to school, or even lower self-confidence.
Consider these steps to help your child deal effectively with a bully:
Get the whole story. Most kids are reluctant to share things with their parents. It might take some time. Let your child know that you want to help. And keep an open communication relationship with one another, this is crucial to good parenting.
Encourage your child to tell the bully to stop. Whether bullying occurs in a school setting or in the workplace, the first thing that will be asked is, “Have you told them to stop?” It might seem like a moot point, but it’s an important first step.
My daughter has already dealt with bullying at 4 years old. I have told her that when someone isn’t being nice, not to play with them. She loves people and wants to play with everyone, but kids can be mean, and it is heart breaking. But teaching her early to walk away because we don’t want friends who treat people that way is already encouraging her to stand up for other kids and choose the right friends.
Contact the child’s teacher and principal. Schools are frequently burdened with long processes that must be followed in these situations. The sooner you can get the ball rolling, the sooner real action can take place. If it is a good school, they will ensure the protection of your child and in awareness of the situation if anything continues or progresses.
Getting to know the school’s response will help to know the environment your child is in. I have had friends that have had to protest the school for them to be held accountable. With everything that has happened in schools for the last decade, these situations can’t be taken lightly anymore. Personally, I would take my child out and trust God to bring us to another school, homeschool or whatever else for my daughter depending on what the situation looks like.
Request a copy of the school’s bullying policy. By knowing the rules, you can make the best possible choices about how to move forward.
If your child is being physically bullied, consider contacting the local police. This is probably more appropriate for high school-aged children than for those in elementary school. But it’s not a bad idea to generate some paperwork and a pattern of behavior if the school isn’t cooperating. You can be sure the school will take things seriously if the police show up.
Encourage your child to seek assistance at the time of the bullying. If the bully is able to get away with the behavior, it’s likely to continue.
Strengthen your child’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Many children suffer from confidence and self-esteem issues that attract bullies. Most bullies are looking for a victim. Helping your child feel better about herself/himself will repel many bullies.
Create some rules around your child’s use of technology. Ensure your child is using the internet and cell phone in an appropriate manner. If your child is being bullied online, your immediate reaction might be to take away their internet access. This can be a mistake. Your child will be much less likely to share any future incidents with you. Having restrictions of certain apps and uses are important, having the internet or full reign of the internet and social media can have more negative consequences than just bullying. Don’t hover but be responsible with the technology your children have access to.
If your child is being cyber-bullied, report it to the appropriate cell phone, internet provider, and websites. These companies are far more likely to respond to your concerns that at any other time in the past.
Avoid under or overreacting and be sure to get the entire story. Seek out the assistance of your child’s teacher and principal to get the school administration involved in a timely manner.
Helping your child with a bully is practically a rite of passage for parents. No matter how wonderful your child might be, there’s always that one kid that seems to take pleasure in making their life miserable. View it as an opportunity to help your child grow and develop.
We live in a time like no other and we need to take accountability and responsibility in knowing this. We can’t protect our children from everything, but we can help protect them while guiding them to knowing right from wrong, to communicate, have healthy relationships and equipping them with the tools they need for the journey of life in the crazy world we live in.
It is our responsibility to help our children learn to live intentionally in all they do.
