Tips for Teaching Your Kids About Feelings
As children mature, they'll experience all kinds of emotions. Like all humans, they'll also have reactions to those feelings. Because of their natural responses, they'll find it helpful to learn to manage their emotions as early in life as possible. You can do a lot to help them with this!
These tips can help you teach your kids about their emotions:
1. Be open and honest about your feelings in your kids' presence. It's important for your children to see you as a healthy, active adult who appropriately expresses their feelings.
How you manage your own feelings provides your young child's first lesson in how to express his feelings.
Modeling is one of the most powerful forms of teaching behaviors to children.
2. Show respect. Verbally express your feelings in ways that are helpful and that show respect for others. When you and your spouse appropriately talk about your emotions and share them with each other, kids learn how to do it just by observing.
Use "I" statements followed by "feeling" words when you share your emotions in front of your children. For example, "I feel really frustrated when you don’t listen to instructions to do your chores, and it is really upsetting for mommy to do everything. Is that fair?"
3. Be mindful of your tone of voice. If you use appropriate tones of voice when expressing feelings, your kids will learn to use them as well. For example, instead of raising your voice when you're upset, make an effort to keep your voice calm.
Reminding your children why there in rules in place, in a way that helps them recognize the whole picture and in a way that unites you both rather then belittles will help them to be empowered to make things right and make good choices.
4. Identify your young children's emotions with them. For very young children, two or three years old, it's beneficial to label and clarify the children's feelings in their presence. Especially at six years and under, children usually have little understanding of how their emotions function.
For example, if a three-year-old gets angry and stomps his feet because he wants candy, get down to his eye level and say something like, "You're angry at mommy right now because you can't have candy. But when you respond in this way, it will only ensure you won’t have candy for a long time."
Use names of feelings, like angry, mad, sad, happy, pleased, frustrated, and others. You convey a great deal of emotional learning when you teach a child about feelings by using the names of emotions.
Sometimes, you may find it helpful to tell a youngster, "It's okay if you're mad." Giving the child permission to feel and express his feelings can be very validating for them, but correcting them in how they respond to the emotion is important as well.
Correcting the behavior is very important, "No, don't throw your toys. It's not okay to throw your toys." Separate the actions from their emotions and from them as people.
Remember, it's futile for adults to get frustrated or angry with young children who have a lot to learn about their emotions. Your patience will show them, by modeling, how to keep their cool, even in a frustrating situation. God doesn’t send thunder when we act out, but he allows us to learn the consequences of our mistakes.
5. Reward them. When your child manages their feelings appropriately, providing immediate positive reinforcement makes a big difference in how a child learns to express emotions. Emotional management will often manifest in appropriate behavior.
Smile and say something like, "Esther, I am so proud of your good behavior in the store. You didn’t ask for things and listened to mommy and it made it much easier to shop together and I am thankful that we are able to have this time together."
When offering positive comments, state your child's name and obtain eye contact with him. This will help reinforce the positive behavior as well as a deeper relationship with your child.
As a parent, one of the most important lessons you'll ever teach your children is how to identify and appropriately express their feelings. Apply the tips above to help ensure that your children grow into mature, healthy adults. Be intentional and focused, time goes by way too quickly and these moments will be the ones that make all the difference in your relationship but also in the people they become.
